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So we're three days into our Bangkok honeymoon, jet-lagged out of our minds, when my wife looks at me and says: "We could go fight traffic to reach a spa... or..."
Twenty minutes later, two therapists from Elysian Thai Spa are setting up in our suite at the Siam Kempinski, and I'm thinking: why doesn't everyone do this?
Here's the thing nobody tells you about honeymoon couples massages - the spa experience is actually kind of stressful. You're in robes with strangers, separated for changing, worried about timing, dealing with other couples. The whole "romantic spa day" thing? It's mostly marketing.
But in your room? That's different. That's actually romantic. And after helping my brother plan his honeymoon last month (and getting approximately 47 texts about "how do we do the massage thing?"), I realized nobody's actually explaining how to nail this.
So here's everything I learned about doing couples massage right on your Bangkok honeymoon.
The Timing Game (Or: When Not to Be an Idiot Like Me)
Our first attempt at booking couples massage was day one. DAY ONE. After a 20-hour flight. At 9 AM Bangkok time when our bodies thought it was 9 PM.
We fell asleep during the massage. Both of us. The therapists had to wake us up to turn over. Not our finest moment.
Here's what actually works:
Day 3-4 is the sweet spot. You're over the worst jet lag, you've seen some temples, eaten too much street food, your feet hurt from walking. This is when your body actually needs and can appreciate massage.
The 4 PM Revelation
Everyone books morning or evening. But 4 PM? Magic. You've had lunch, digested, maybe had a pool session. Not too hot to go out after, not so late you're rushing for dinner reservations. Plus therapists aren't exhausted from morning appointments or rushing to finish before their evening bookings.
Never book massage:
- First 48 hours after landing (you'll waste it)
- Right after a big meal (learned this at the Mandarin Oriental buffet)
- Before any activity requiring coordination (we tried to go to Sky Bar after. Mistake.)
- During peak traffic hours unless you're prepared to wait
My brother booked his for 11 AM after the hotel breakfast. Seemed logical. Except they were so full from the breakfast spread they couldn't lay on their stomachs comfortably. His wife still brings it up six months later.
The Suite Situation (Some Rooms Are Built for This, Others... Not)
Not all hotel rooms are created equal for couples massage. We learned this the expensive way.
Winners:
Losers:
The Add-On Game (What's Worth It, What's Tourist Trap)
Elysian's pricing is straightforward, but then they offer add-ons. Some are brilliant. Some are... not.
Actually Worth It:
Aromatherapy oils - The lavender-lemongrass blend is legitimately incredible. And your room smells amazing for days. We booked it once, then requested it every time after.
Extended time - Going from 90 to 120 minutes is only like 500 baht more per person but it changes everything. You actually relax instead of just starting to relax when it ends.
Hot compress - This is the secret weapon for jet lag. The heat helps with that weird body ache from flying. Plus it's very Thai traditional, feels authentic.
Four hands massage - Okay, this is insane luxury (two therapists per person) but for honeymoon? We did this once. Still talk about it. You'll need a huge room though.
Skip It:
Foot massage add-on - Just book a separate foot massage. As an add-on it feels rushed.
"Special honeymoon setup" - Some services charge extra for rose petals and candles. Your hotel will do this for free if you ask nicely. Or buy roses from the street for 100 baht.
Music selection - They charge for "romantic music"? Your Spotify premium subscription works fine. We made a playlist, worked perfectly.
The Weird Stuff Nobody Mentions
The Sheet Situation
They bring their own sheets, but here's what we learned – tell them you're honeymoon and they bring the nice ones. Not kidding. There's regular sheets and "honeymoon sheets." The honeymoon ones are like silk or something. Game changer.
The Talking Thing
Do you talk during couples massage? To each other? To the therapists? We had no idea. Answer: You can whisper to each other, it's actually nice. Full conversation is weird. The therapists will check in about pressure, that's normal. Our best session was when we just held hands during it. Cheesy? Maybe. Amazing? Definitely.
The Turnover Coordination
They'll try to sync your massages so you turn over at the same time. It's a small thing but it matters. Nothing kills the mood like one person flipping around while the other is zen'd out.
The Oil Hair Situation
Ladies (and long-haired dudes), they will oil your hair if you don't specifically say not to. My wife learned this the hard way before our dinner at Gaggan. Thank god for YouTube hair tutorials and a patient husband.
How Different Hotels Handle It (The Politics Nobody Talks About)
Some hotels are cool with outside massage, some make it weird, some make it awesome.
The Cool Ones:
Waldorf Astoria - They offer to prepare the room. PREPARE THE ROOM. They dim lights, set temperature, even provide extra towels without being asked.
Rosewood Bangkok - Zero fuss. They'll even hold your massage supplies at concierge if therapists arrive early.
Anantara Siam - They have a "romance concierge" (yes really) who coordinates with outside massage services. They've thought of everything.
The Weird Ones:
Some Marriotts - Depends on who's working. We've had everything from super helpful to "you know we have a spa, right?" Yes, we know. We don't care.
Boutique Hotels - Total lottery. Some are thrilled you're supporting local businesses. Others act like you're smuggling contraband.
The Schedule That Actually Works
After trial and error (mostly error), here's the perfect honeymoon massage schedule:
My brother did massage every other day for a week. By day 4, they were so relaxed they missed their tour to Ayutthaya because they forgot to set an alarm. There's such thing as too much massage.
The Booking Strategy
Booking with Elysian is straightforward but here's what we learned:
Book at least one day ahead. Two days for weekend. "Same day" during honeymoon season (Nov-Feb) is basically impossible for couples massage.
Always mention it's honeymoon when booking. Not for special treatment (though you'll get it) but because they'll send therapists who are good with couples. Yes, there's a difference.
Request the same therapists if you loved them. We had Khun Noy and Khun Som three times. By the third session, they knew exactly what we wanted.
The Honeymoon Suite Upgrades Nobody Tells You About
If you're splurging on a suite anyway, here's what to look for:
Day beds or large balconies - Alternative to moving furniture
Bathtubs big enough for two - Post-massage bath is incredible
River/city views - Massage with a view hits different
Separate living area - One space for massage, one for recovery
Good air conditioning - Oil massage makes you warm
We upgraded to a suite at the Peninsula specifically for better massage space. The regular room was fine but the suite made it an experience.
Real Couples, Real Stories
Met a couple from London at the Mandarin Oriental pool. They'd booked spa massage every day. "It's nice," she said, "but we spend half the time going to and from the spa. And we can't really relax together."
They switched to in-room after talking to us. Texted me later: "Why did we waste four days?"
Another couple we met tried to DIY it – bought oil from Chatuchak, tried to massage each other. "We're not therapists," the husband laughed. "It was basically just rubbing oil on each other badly." They booked professional the next day.
The best story? Couple from Korea at the Waldorf. They were so nervous about having "strangers" in their room. Booked for 60 minutes. Ended up extending to 120 minutes halfway through. Then booked again for the next three days. "Better than any spa we've visited," they said.
The Money Talk
Let's be real about costs. According to Tourism Authority of Thailand, average honeymoon couples spend 15,000-20,000 baht on spa services over a week.
In-room couples massage from Elysian:
- 90 minutes Thai: ~3,000 baht total for both
- 120 minutes oil: ~4,000 baht total for both
- Add aromatherapy: +400 baht
- Add hot compress: +400 baht
Compare to hotel spa:
- Same service: 8,000-12,000 baht
- Plus you have to go there
- Plus you're on their schedule
- Plus you're sharing space with others
We did three in-room sessions for less than one hotel spa session would've cost. And honestly? The in-room experience was better.
The Mistakes We Made (So You Don't Have To)
The Afternoon Nap Incident
Booked massage for 3 PM. Decided to "rest" at 1 PM. Woke up at 3:15 to the therapists knocking. They were cool about it but we felt terrible.
The Spicy Food Disaster
Som tam for lunch, massage at 2 PM. I was sweating chili oil. My wife banned me from spicy food on massage days after that.
The Phone Thing
Left phones on. Work emails during honeymoon massage. Don't be me. Airplane mode exists for a reason.
The Over-Booking
You don't need massage every day. Your body needs time to recover. We learned this when my wife's shoulders were actually too tender by day 4 of consecutive massages.
The Unexpected Benefits
Beyond the obvious relaxation, in-room couples massage during honeymoon does something else – it forces you to slow down together. No rushing to tours, no FOMO about sightseeing. Just two hours of doing nothing together.
We talked more during those quiet moments after massage than we did at fancy dinners. Something about being that relaxed makes real conversation easier.
Plus, according to research from Cornell's School of Hotel Administration, couples who share wellness experiences report higher relationship satisfaction. Science backing up what we felt – shared relaxation is bonding.
The Final Verdict
Three years later, when people ask about our honeymoon, the massage sessions come up every time. Not the temples (though those were amazing). Not the fancy dinners (those too). But those quiet afternoons in our suite, Bangkok spreading out below us, completely relaxed together.
My brother just texted me actually. They're coming back for their anniversary. Already booked the same suite, same massage setup. "But this time," he said, "we're not doing it after the breakfast buffet."
Learning from mistakes. That's love.
The Quick Reference Guide
Best Hotels for Couples Massage:
- Siam Kempinski (pool suites)
- St. Regis (any suite)
- Peninsula (all rooms work)
- Mandarin Oriental (terrace suites)
- Waldorf Astoria (they prepare everything)
Perfect Timing:
- Day 3-4 of honeymoon
- 4 PM slot
- 90-120 minutes
- Every other day max
Worth the Add-On:
- Aromatherapy oils
- Extended time
- Hot compress
- Four hands (once for special)
Skip:
- Foot massage add-on
- Special setup fees
- Music upgrades
Remember:
- Book 1-2 days ahead
- Mention honeymoon
- Request same therapists
- Phones on airplane mode
- No spicy food before
- Trust the professionals
Book Your Honeymoon Couples Massage
Book at least 48 hours after landing. Thank me later when you're not falling asleep during it.
And if you see a couple dead asleep during their massage at the Siam Kempinski? That might still be us. Some habits die hard.
